Esme's Story
by theothercullen427
Summary: I was just a foolish 16 year old girl, who went around climbing trees and falling in love with doctors who were much too old for her." Esme's past, begining when she meets Carlisle for the first time. REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

I'm looking for a beta for future chapters of this story. So if you like it and are interested, let me know.

Disclaimer: 

Therapist-Repeat after me. I do not own twilight

Me-I do not own twilight

Therapist-Okay, we've overcome one problem. Now, repeat again. Edward Cullen does not exist.

Me- Le Gasp! How can you commit such treason to the most amazing person, or vampire, alive (or dead)! He does exist! I will prove it. I'll go get him. Oh wait, damn. I don't have an Edward. Oh hey doc, do ya know what I want for my birthday? Edward Cullen.

Therapist-Oh here we go again, back to step 1.

Me-I like ice cream!

Enjoy the story!

"Mother, I'm going out. I'll be back in time to help prepare dinner."

"Hurry back Esme" My mother called after me as I scampered out the door.

Normally, I hated wearing my mother's idea of 'proper attire' for a young lady. But today, the many folds of fabric were extremely helpful in concealing the books I had brought with me. I was not supposed to be reading. Especially the books I chose to read. But I couldn't help myself. I loved nothing more than to delve into a good story. Well, nothing more other than sharing my knowledge with others. Teaching had always been a dream of mine. But first, I would have to finish my education. After all, how could I teach what I had not learned?

I finally reached the destination of my choosing, the old willow up on a nearby hillside. I used to love to climb this tree when I was younger. I remembered the many afternoons I would spend hidden up in the branches, loving the feeling of freedom being up so high in the branches gave me.

I laid my belongings out beside me. I choose a book and began to read. But I couldn't focus on the book. I so longed to climb the tree again, feel the freedom, the exhilaration. But I had been forbidden. My parents had decided that climbing trees was not appropriate for a girl of my age. But then again, neither were reading the books I read, or riding any other way than side saddle, which I did anyways almost daily.

I decided that it wouldn't hurt to climb the tree one more time. To relive some of my old childhood memories. I kicked off my shoes, leaving them in the dirt. Then I slowly lifted one leg up onto the first branch. I was worried that it would take me a while to get back into the natural rhythm of climbing of climbing this tree, but I was mistaken. It was so easy, almost as if I had climbed the tree yesterday.

After five minutes, I was almost at the top of the tree. I was surprised at how little time it had taken me. I yanked myself up into a sitting position on the topmost branch, and stuck my head out through the leaves.

I gasped at the beauty of my surroundings. I had forgotten about the spectacular view from this tree. You could see for miles in every direction. I absolutely loved this view. I thought that there was nothing more beautiful in the world.

Then I heard a few little crunches. The branch beneath me began to wobble. And then, before I could move, it snapped in two. I fell down towards the ground. Even though I was insanely scared, there was something liberating about the fall. Or rather, there _was_, until I hit the ground.

I heard a sickening crunch, and let out a gasp of pain. My leg. I clutched at my leg, but the pain from the movement was worse. I lay back again, and I could see the black spots forming in my vision. I tried my best not to pass out, for if I were to die before I regained consciousness, I would have no chance to say goodbye to my parents. But the blackness pushed closer. I let out one more yelp, hoping that someone would hear. Then I let the blackness swallow me.

When I awoke, I was in my fathers arms. He was carrying me toward an imposing building.

"Where am I?" I asked groggily.

"Oh thank goodness you're awake Esme!" I heard my mother's voice call from behind me.

"Esme," it was my father's distinct voice speaking this time, "You fell out a tree. There is something wrong with your leg. We took you to the doctor near us, but Dr. Smith is out, so we are now at the hospital in Columbus."

We'd traveled that far already? Wow, I must have been unconscious for a while. But soon, that was the least of my concerns. As soon as we stepped into the hospital doors, I was being fussed over by so many nurses I could hardly think. They carried me into a private room, and told me to wait for the doctor to come in. I hoped it wouldn't be long. The pain that I had thought was awful under the tree had tripled. I lay there, crippled by my own pain.

Then I heard something amazing. A voice so beautiful it sounded like music. If I'd ever had any doubt as to the existence of angels, it was gone now. For whom could this voice belong to other than an angel? And then the body attached to the voice walked into the room. No, not walked, glided. He was just as spectacular as his voice. His pale skin seemed to glow in the light; his perfect golden hair would have been the envy of all other men back home. He was the picture of an angel.

I blushed then, remembering that mother had taught me better. I had listened through many lectures on not gawking or staring. I would be foolish to forget that now.

"Esme Anne Platt?" The voice inquired.

Doubting my ability to speak, I nodded.

He smiled and my cheeks flushed again. That only made him smile more.

"Hello Esme. Is that all right if I call you Esme?" I nodded dumbly again.

"Well Esme, I am Dr. Cullen. You may call me Carlisle. Here, let's have a look at that leg of yours."

He gently moved my leg around, examining it from every angle. His touch was so light, it didn't hurt nearly as much as when I attempted to move my leg around. Also, his hands were so cold that it numbed my leg as he looked.

"Well, the leg is just broken. A clean break. You're very lucky, it could have been much worse."

I was sure by the sound of his voice that a clean break was a good thing, although I had no idea what it meant. I just kept smiling and blushing, not being able to tear my eyes away from his. His eyes were a butterscotch gold, almost topaz like. The most gorgeous color I had ever seen. Everyone had always told me I had pretty eyes, but mine seemed dull and colorless compared to his.

"Would it be impolite to ask how your leg was broken? I must admit, I don't need to know as part of my job, your treatment is the same. I am merely curious."

There was no way to say no to that voice. I wanted to make up some grand daring story, like the books I read. Maybe I would say I was fighting a man who came to attack our land. Or a wild horse was about to run into a young boy and I dove in front of him. But I could barely complete a coherent thought, much less lie skillfully, around this man.

So I settled for the truth. "I…I fell out of a tree."

He chuckled. "I fell out of quite few trees when I was your age too, dear Esme."

I couldn't help but chuckle also. I knew my laugh must have sounded off. He must off thought I was mentally incompetent. But his eyes bored into mine as if he were trying to see though my eyes into my soul.

"Now Esme, I'm afraid this might hurt a bit. Well, not just a bit. Quite a lot actually. I wish I could avoid hurting you, you don't know how much pain it causes me to see you in pain, but there is no other way. I'll have to set the leg and then put it in a cast. Here, let me find you something to hold onto while I set your leg. I'd offer you my hand, but no human could do this one handed. Ah here we go." He handed me his pocket watch. "Feel free to hold this as tight as you need to. Break it if you wish. Are you ready?" He chuckled at my face. I hadn't realized that I had been wearing a look of such grim determination until I glanced into mirror across the way. I couldn't help but chuckle with him again. Then his face became serious once more.

"Okay Esme, 1…2….3!"

A spasm of pain shot through my body, and I gave a little yelp. I suddenly regretted it, for as I looked in his eyes I saw just how much pain my pain had caused him. I found it odd. He was a doctor for goodness sakes! He should be used to causing people slight pain to help them in the long run. I didn't even feel pain anymore, it had all subsided. But the look in his face was the look my face would have held had I had seen him in pain. But it was silly to even imagine that he might feel the same way. I was just a foolish 16 year old girl, who went around climbing trees and falling in love with doctors who were much too old for her.

"It's all over," he said, trying to comfort me. "I will never hurt you again, dear Esme ."

But he would. I knew he was referring to physical pain, but when I left tonight, I would think this was all a dream. That while I was unconscious, I had gotten my cast put on at Dr. Smith's office. So, whether he meant to or not, he would hurt me. I handed back the pocket watch to him.

Almost as if he were able to understand my longing to remember meeting him, he pushed my hand ever so gently back again.

"No," he said sweetly, but adamantly. "No, you keep it."

"Thank you." I mumbled back. He smiled as I blushed again.

"You're parents are waiting. I will bring you back to them now."

He sounded almost sad to see me going, but I knew it couldn't even compare to how I was feeling. My mother hugged me but I didn't care. Her warm, slightly rough hands meant nothing. I wanted the cool, smooth hands of Dr. Cullen. Of Carlisle.

As my father carried me out of the hospital, I felt myself nodding off to sleep. But I didn't want to sleep, afraid that when I woke up this would all be a dream. So I tried to keep my mind busy by examining the pocket watch. It was simple, but made out of beautiful gold. It could have been any rich mans pocket watch, not a doctors. I clutched the pocket watch tightly in my hand as my father carried me. I could fight sleep no longer, but I refused to let go of my evidence that this night was real. But I was tired, so I let the blackness embrace me, not letting go of the watch once, and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

When I awoke the next morning, I was in my bed. At first, I frantically worried that last night had been a dream. But then I realized I was clutching something tightly in my hand. I opened up my palm to reveal a simple, gold pocket watch. I turned it over, and saw something etched upon the back. Two Cs. Just a simple engraving. But I knew what they stood for. Carlisle Cullen.

I clutched the pocket watch to my heart, and let one single sob escape my lips.

--

**So, what did ya think? Just press the perrywinkle button in the corner and let me know. You review, I post. Simple as that. ILY! AND ICE CREAM! AND MY THERAPIST!**


	2. Chapter 2

**hi! i hope you like this chapter everyone. This chapter isnt particularly sad, but definetly somewhat sad, and anything but happy. And the story will get sadder before happier. But it WILL be happy. I'm a sucker for happy endings. And theres no point in this story if we don't get our beautiful happy couple at the end. So don't worry.**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own twilight, just the poster of a very gorgeous Edward and Bella that I just put up on my door. Now I can kiss Edward goodnight and he won't try to kill me!**

6 Years Later

I was in my room reading when mother called me down. I longed to stay up in my room and continue with my story, but I knew I must come down. I had taken an interest in books set in the west. For that was my dream. To move out west and become a teacher. I had always wanted to be a teacher, but now I had a chance. But my parents thought it was an atrocious idea.

"_Proper young women do not move to the west on their own! To be a teacher? Esme, what has gotten into you? I raised you better than this. You will stay here and be married, like all your friends."_

I remembered when my father had screamed that at me. It was the first time I had suggested moving out west. We had been eating dinner, and I thought it would be an appropriate dinner conversation. Like always, I was wrong.

I knew if I ever wanted to have any chance of getting my parents to support my dreams, I needed to listen to them and behave very well. So I sadly got up off of my bed, hid my books, and trudged down the stairs.

"Esme, the Evensons are coming over for dinner. I suggest you go get changed. Your white and blue dress would be lovely." She eyed my hands, which were dirty from riding earlier, with a disgusted look, and added "And make sure to wash up."

"Of Course" I called as I ran up the stairs. If I washed up fast enough I might have time for some more reading before dinner. I quickly washed my hands and scrubbed my feet too, just for good measure, and then I threw on the dress my mother had asked me to wear. It was too frilly for my taste. It was white and flowing with blue ruffles at the bottom and a blue sash of the same color tied into a bow around my waist. I knew the Evensons son Charles wouldn't care what I wore. He had always seemed to fancy me. He wouldn't care if I wore riding pants and a shirt of my fathers. But Mrs. Evenson, even though she was a very kind woman, was very caught up in appearances. If I didn't look stunning, she would lecture me about it, even though I wasn't her daughter.

When I was finished dressing, I sat down on my bed and pulled out my book. But I was only able to delve into the fantastical world for a few minutes, for then I heard a knock on the door down stairs and the sound of people being let in. I pinched my cheeks to give them some color, and then scampered downstairs.

I was surprised at what I saw. Even though Mrs. Evenson was always caught up with looks, she never seemed to be able to make Charles dress appropriately. But tonight, he wore a handsome suit. He actually looked decent. Maybe, to another girl, he would have looked quite dashing, but there was only one man for me. And that was the man I could never have.

"Oh Esme, don't you look just darling!" I heard Mrs. Evenson's high pitch voice squeal. I had earned her approval. That would make tonight much easier. Mr. Evenson was already inside, speaking with my father. They had been business partners their entire careers and got along very well. But tonight, it didn't appear that they were discussing business. After all, why would they need to use such hushed voices?

My mother ushered us all into the dining room. We sat down and she served the food. It was quite delicious, but I couldn't focus on that. All I could focus on was the fact that Charles was talking. Actually talking to me. Charles never talked other than the words required to be considered polite. And yet suddenly, today, he wouldn't be quiet. It was quite puzzling and I spent the rest of the evening pondering what it could mean. Then, just before the Evensons left, Charles asked to speak to my father privately. Curious to hear what they were talking about, I pressed my ear to the door.

"Esme Anne!" A stern voice called furiously. I spun around to see my mother glaring at me.

"What on earth are you thinking?! Have I truly taught you nothing all these years?"

"I'm sorry" I mumbled.

Just then, my father and Charles came out of the room. My father had a huge smile on his face. Charles looked smug.

"Well, we must be off," Mr. Evenson suddenly said from behind me. "It was a pleasure to see you."

Well our families exchanged goodbyes, I pondered what my father might have been talking about with Charles.

When the door shut, my father called me into the sitting room.

"Take a seat Esme." I did as I was told.

"Esme, when Charles spoke with me privately earlier, he confessed to me that he thought you quite beautiful. And," He had a huge smile on his face, "He asked for your hand in marriage!"

"My….my…..my hand?" I choked out. I didn't want to marry Charles! Sure I knew him well enough, but we had never really _talked_ before tonight. Or that's what I told myself. However, deep down, I knew that wasn't the real reason. I had shoved my memories away in a corner of my mind. But I could not forget. I would not forget. And even though I knew I would never see him again, I didn't want to marry any one else. Because I only loved one man. The angel faced doctor. Dr. Cullen. Carlisle Cullen.

But I had to admit that I would never see him again. And, really, would it hurt to make my parents happy? I never would be, even if I didn't marry. So this way, someone would be happy. I knew it would make them so thrilled to see me married to a respectable man such as Charles.

"Well?" I heard my father ask. "Do you intend to marry him or not?"

"I….I….I……I will marry Charles Evenson."

"Oh my goodness!" I heard my mother squeal. "Oh Esme, you will be so happy! Oh I couldn't wish for a better man for you!"

I could.

"Esme Evenson. Such I pretty name for you. You'll carry it well." My father praised me.

"Now off to bed with you. In the morning you must ride over to the Evensons and tell them you accept."

As I climbed the stairs I pondered my future name. Esme Evenson. It didn't sound _bad__**.**_ There was just something wrong about it.

However much I tried to deny it, I knew what was wrong with it. I didn't want to be Esme Evenson. I never had. Ever since I was 16, I had only wanted to carry one name.

Esme Cullen.


	3. Chapter 3

I sat there, looking into the mirror

I sat there, looking into the mirror. I looked pretty enough, but something was missing. My mothers wedding dress hung around me, framing my body perfectly. My caramel hair hung in perfect curls around my face. My powder was perfect. I pinched my cheeks, so now my face had color in it. I scanned my reflection for the flaw that I could not pin point. Then I saw it. My eyes. They had no life in them. All other brides' eyes sparkled on their wedding days. They looked like they would sprint down the isle if they could, just to kiss their husbands. I couldn't care less. I tried to make my smile reach my eyes. I couldn't. I sighed, hoping Charles wouldn't notice.

My father walked in. He held out his hand for me to take. I could tell he was too close to tears for him to talk. I took his hand, and we walked to the isle. When we got there, the music began, and we walked down the isle. I saw Charles beaming, like he had just won a prize. When I reached Charles at the end of the isle, my father placed my hand in Charles's.

While the minister spoke words binding us together, tears began to form in my eyes. I hoped that the guests thought they were tears of happiness.

The rest of the ceremony went by in a blur. All I could think about was how I did not want to be here with this man. If I closed my eyes under my veil, I could almost pretend that I was holding Carlisle's hand. But this hand was to warm, and I could not slip into my fantasy. Then I heard my part.

"Do you, Esme Anne Platt, take you Charles Evenson, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?"

Part of me wanted to run away screaming 'I don't want Charles!' But I knew this would do me no good, so I managed to stutter out "I do."

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Charles leaned forward to kiss me. I mustered up as much passion as I could manage.

The reception was just the average, traditional reception. Nothing special. I didn't want anything special. I felt as though I was giving up a part of me today, instead of gaining a part. I was giving up the part of me that hoped that some day Carlisle would come back and find me, and then I would confess that I had always loved him. Now I never could. I was a married woman now.

I wanted to scream at myself. Weddings were supposed to happy times, _especially_ for the bride.

But I knew I wasn't happy. And deep down, I knew that with Charles, I never would be.

The first days of our marriage were happy enough. We moved into a comfortable home up on a gorgeous hillside. I cooked and cleaned like a good wife, and he worked very hard.

But one day, it all took a turn for the worse. I was fixing dinner. Charles was out later than normal. Just as I was wondering where he was, he stumbled through the door.

"Charles! Are you alright?"

That's when I realized that he wasn't stumbling because he was hurt, he was stumbling because he was drunk.

"Dammit woman, of course I'm fine! Where's dinner?!"

"Its on the stove, it'll be ready in one…"

I felt something hit my face hard, and I stumbled backward. It took me a second to realize that it was his hand.

"Now listen to me, and listen good. I expect a full meal waiting for me when I get home. Got it?" I nodded. "Good. I'm going upstairs to change clothes. When I get back, dinner should be on the table, and it better be good. I don't think you need me to explain what would happen if it wasn't." I nodded again, and he stormed up stairs.

That was the first time he hit me. But it just worse and worse. Every night Charles came home later and later, drunker and drunker.

The beatings got worse. Every morning I would have fresh bruises covering my whole body. I also had plenty of scabs, from times when he broke the skin.

Finally, one day when Charles was at work, I rode to see my mother.

"Oh Esme! What a surprise! Its great to see you! How are you? And how is Charles?"

"Well, that's why I came mother. I need to speak with you about something. Its Charles."

"What is wrong dear?"

I lifted up my sleeve to show her the many bruise marks and scabs that Charles had caused. With practice, he began to only beat me in place I could hide. After all, he wouldn't want to tarnish that reputation of his.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh." My mother mumbled. "Ah, I see. Don't worry, it was a mistake. We all make mistakes. I know I feel bad when I make mistakes that annoy your father. But at least your being punished. That way you learn. Don't worry, soon you won't make mistakes and won't be punished. Stay quiet and be good. Don't worry. Things will work out."

I couldn't believe my ears. No words of sympathy telling me to escape? Just 'stay quiet and be good'? I couldn't believe it. I wasn't the one making mistakes, Charles was. But I supposed I should listen to my mother. After all, she had much more marriage experience than I did.

But that night was the worst so far.

We were eating dinner silently this evening when all of a sudden, he flung his plate off the table, screaming "What is this? Its disgusting! Tastes like poison!"

The fist hit me in the face again, with such force that I crumpled to the ground. He pounded me at least 20 more times, before stopping, an evil grin on his face.

"I know how you can make it up to me. Don't clean up, just go wait in our room."

I did as I was told, hoping to spare myself more pain. But I knew something worse was on the horizon.

I sat on the bed, waiting. Charles thundered in, and told me to lie down. I did as I was told.

It took me a minute to figure out what he was trying to do. I finally realized when he ripped my shirt off, the buttons flying everywhere. I was pounded once for the button that hit his face.

"Please Charles, I'm not ready. Not tonight."

"Hell yes tonight! Or do you want a repeat of earlier?" I shuddered once at the memory.

"That's what I thought!" He said.

So I endured what was the worst night of my life so far.

I could never have imagined that these worst nights would turn into my every night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Here is another chapter for you. Its short, but I hope you like it. I'm hoping to have another one up tomorow, but I'm really busy (tests, blech) and on wednesday i'm at an audition for my school play (wish me luck :)) and then another stupid thing until 9 and then homework. So, obviously, no chapters that day. I'm sorry! I'm so happy people like this story so far! yay! This chapter isn't quite as dark as the last one. But, not light and fluffy. Anyways, I will get chapters out as sson as I can, but it may not be every day. ILY!**

**Time to disclaim:**

**My friend: What music are you listening to?**

**Me: A twilight fan band (go bella cullen project!)**

**my friend (who is cool cause she likes twilight): Awesome! I wanna hear!**

**(we jam out for 5 minutes)**

**Me:_ Pauses music _Hey, do I own twilight?**

**My friend: No, no, no, and did I mention no? Haven't I told you this before? Now turn on the music!**

**(turns music back on)**

**My Mother: Ahhh! Enough with the freakin vampire stuff already! Listen to classical music!**

**(I turn on claire de lune)**

**My Mother: Thats better. No wait! Its talked about in the book! Ahhh! My daughter is obsessed!**

**Teehee, that was fun to write**

I endured the torturous nights without complaint. For with complaints came beatings. And although these nights were worse than just beatings, the combination was the epitome of brutal torture.

One evening, right before the hell started, there was a knock on the door. I opened it, and a postman stood outside in the downpour.

"I am supposed to deliver this message directly into the hands of Charles Evenson." He stated simply.

"Charles, there is a letter for you!" I called.

He stormed to the door, yanked the letter out of the postman's hands and slammed the door. While the door closed, I thought I saw the postman send an apologetic glance in my direction.

Charles was in a bad mood, so I knew it would be worse tonight. But as he read the letter, I watched his expression turn from fury to shock.

"What is it?" I asked nervously.

"I've been drafted."

"Drafted?" I asked, partially confused, partially trying not to get my hopes up.

"Yes drafted! Into the army, idiot!"

I screamed with joy in my head. I would be free of the beating, free of the monster that attacked me every day. Maybe he wouldn't come home…..No, I wouldn't let myself think that bad of thoughts.

"When do you leave?"

"In the morning. But no worries, I plan to take full advantage of our last night together."

He smiled with that evil glint in his eyes that left my with no doubt as to what was coming.

I let out an audible gulp.

Charles had left the next morning. My parents stood with me as the army car drove him away. They assumed that the tears that streamed down my face were tears of sorrow. But, unlike at my wedding, they were tears of joy. I couldn't be happier.

I spent the first few days planting a garden. Or rather, turning our whole property into a garden. The new flowers represented my new found happiness, renewing the color in my life. I was no longer sad all the time.

I made friends with neighbors who I had never been allowed to speak to before. I wrote to my old friends who I hadn't seen in ages.

One day, I was feeling particularly free, so I went to one of my favorite childhood spots. The old tree. The one I broke my leg in. Surprisingly, breaking my leg was one of my fondest memories. Well, not so much_ breaking_ my leg, but the doctor who put it in a cast. I had pushed Dr. Cullen far back into the corners of my mind. He was still there, but I wouldn't let myself think about him to much. He had almost faded into a ghost or dream. The phantom doctor.

I went to the tree and found what I was looking for. The little mound of earth with my most prized possessions under it. Also, my most secret. Possessions I could not leave with my parents, for I was not supposed to own them, and possessions I could never bring into my life with Charles. I went through the pile of books, looking for something. I wasn't sure what. I figured it was a specific book. So I kept looking. But none of the books caught my eye. Then I saw it. At the bottom. A glint of gold. I picked it up. It was a pocket watch. My mind was flooded with memories.

I slipped the watch into my pocket and reburied the books.

I carried the watch everywhere with me from then on. It reminded me of the happiest time in my life, a time even happier than now.

I settled into my new life without suspicion. The tasks I took advantage of doing now that Charles wasn't there to tell me to do something else seemed like something anyone with a husband at war might do to distract themselves. I was distracting myself from the knowledge that he might come back. Every morning I scanned the names of the dead, secretly hoping Charles's name would be there somewhere. But it never was.

I now had a chance to say prayers every night before bed, something I had never had time to do before. I used to dread bed. Now I could sleep peacefully.

There was something else helping me sleep.

I had settled back into many old routines. One of them was to sleep with something tightly squeezed in my hand, held over my heart.

What I held was the pocket watch.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey! Just letting you guys know I'm procrastinating homework for you (thanx for the excuse!) but my test was postponed so you guys get a chapter!**

**Tis a dark one**

**Disclaimer time!**

**Disclaimer:**

**Blond Doctor: So, what brings you here?**

**Me: I want to know if I own twilight, and since you are Carlisle I thought you could help me.**

**Blond Doctor: Umm...My name is Jake, not Carlisle. But I am positive you don't own twilight.**

**Me: Jake? Like Bella's best friend who she was in love with who is a werewolf? Can you turn into a wolf?**

**Blond Doctor: No...(talking into intercom) Maggie, you better come up here...yes, bring this patient to room 220...yes, the one for the twilight addicts**

**ENJOY!**

Life had been so good that I should have realized that it wouldn't last. I should have realized that my happiness would have to come to an end soon.

And yet, it still came as a surprise to me.

I was in the kitchen, preparing dinner, when I heard the knock on the door. I assumed that it was one of the many new friends I had made since Charles had left. With the intention of inviting them to stay for dinner, I opened the door.

I stepped back in shock when I saw who it was.

With the same smile and evil glint in his eyes as always, he whispered "I'm home Esme."

Charles.

I was frozen with fear. I couldn't move, speak or think for a good 30 seconds. I just stood there.

"Well, aren't you gonna say _something?_" He asked, his voice already poisoned with the impending, inevitable fury.

"Wel...Wel…Welcome home honey." I choked out. "Do you want dinner?"

"Yes, dinner would be good. It better be tastier than the crap they fed us when we fought. If not…" He smiled his wicked grin and held up his fist.

I wasn't sure if I should be relieved that my food would undoubtedly satisfy him, because of the fact that it was of a much higher caliber than the army food, or to be ashamed that he would doubt my cooking skills this much. I nervously served the food.

He scowled. "This looks disgusting. Are you trying to poison me?"

"No!" I yelped, shocked that he would entertain such thoughts.

"Don't lie to me you rotten hag!" Then he slapped me. The sting triggered the memories of all the pain I had felt before Charles had left. And I knew this was just the beginning.

And the night just got worse from there.

Life had reverted back to its usual state. I began waking up each morning with fresh bruises and scabs on my entire body again.

I had hoped the war had changed Charles. I had prayed that this was what our relationship had needed to be fixed. I chuckled cynically every time I thought about my hopes. I suppose Charles _had_ changed.

He had become worse.

"Thank god Charles is at work." I muttered to myself as I wretched into the toilet for the third time this morning. I didn't want him to find out about this. He couldn't.

I doubted he would put two and two together, but then again, you never know. I did.

It had taken me a while to realize it myself. But it had all come together. The vomiting, the eating, the difficulty sleeping, I knew what it all meant.

I was expecting.

When I first found out, I was thrilled. I had always wanted a child. I was so happy that I did my work around the house gladly, and dealt with the beatings without a word of complaint.

And then came the fear. No, not just fear. Sheer terror. I could not, would not, allow my baby to be brought up in this household. Not with a father who would hit them and beat them day after day. I would not let the child endure this life. He or she deserved a better life than this.

I knew what had to be done. I had to leave. Get out of here. Hide with my child. I would have to pretend to be a war widow. It wouldn't be hard; I knew what it was like to have a husband go to war. I just had to pretend he hadn't come home. I had always_ wished_ he wouldn't come home, I just had to pretend to live that dream.

I knew I had to leave soon. I was just waiting to choose where to go, and for the opportunity to leave. It was out of the question to attempt to leave while he was at work. He would return home so soon that I would most likely not be at my destination, wherever I chose to go, by the time he realized I was not at home. I doubted I would even reach a destination by the time he realized I was not coming back.

I ran through the options of places to go in my head. I had a second cousin named Marie who lived in Milwaukee. I figured I could go there, at least while I looked for somewhere else to stay. I had never been _extremely_ close with Marie, but we had been friends. Good enough friends that I could trust her not to tell anyone the true identity of who was staying with her. I hoped I wouldn't intrude on her life to much. She lived with her husband on a charming farm, and I would hate to barge in and ruin their serenity. But deep down, I knew there was another worry. Marie would never be able to have children. When our parents used to expect us to talk together before we were married and moved apart, we could never fully get to know each other, because Marie wouldn't open up to me. This was because she envied me. She saw my beauty and knew I would find a man who would love me and I could have children with. She never could. I wondered if my pregnancy would strain our relationship even more. Her jealousy would probably be forgotten if I told her about Charles. She had a loving husband, who was quite the gentleman. I didn't envy her exact husband, for he was not the man I would choose if I could have any man, but he loved her. He truly deeply loved her. I had given up hope long ago that Charles might have truly loved me once. Now I looked back and wondered how I ever could have entertained those thoughts.

Love was something I had only felt once, and even now, it felt more like a dream than reality.

But I held on to that one dream like day, refusing to let go. For if I let go, I knew I would fall.

Fall forever.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey! Im glad to get another chapter up, even if i only had time to write it cause im sick. blech. Anyways, i hope this chapter is good. Please oh please review. Im trying to make everything about this story unique. Oh, I also want to let JustBella know that I didn't copy her story title, it was a conincidence. However, I did read her Esme's story, and it is fantastic. Anyways, enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW! ILY!**

**Discalimer:**

**I do not own twilight. However, I have started counting down the days until the movie comes out. Yes I will be watching it at midnight.**

It was the day of Christmas Eve. I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Charles had left for work an hour ago. He said he would be staying at "work" late and not to expect him home until after 11. I knew that he wouldn't really be at work. Oh yes, he might be at work _now_, but he would leave early, claiming to want to spend Christmas with me, and windup at some bar, drinking with his buddies.

The wave of emotion was overwhelming. I wasn't sure how to feel. I was overjoyed to finally have a whole day to myself without Charles. And I was terrified. For the drunker he was, the worse the nights were.

And then it struck me. A brilliant beyond brilliant idea.

I threw my few belongings into a bag, bustling about the house making sure there was nothing else I needed. I looked through drawers and shelves, leaving the house in disarray, but not caring. I needn't worry about what Charles would think. Because when Charles came home, I would be gone.

I grabbed my bag and dashed out the door. I knocked on my neighbor's door for the first time since Charles had returned. She opened the door with a bright smile on her face.

"Oh Esme! How lovely it is to see you! It's been much too long. Please, come in and sit down."

"I can't Annabelle," I began to explain. "I hate to be rude, but I came here to ask a favor. Would you mind driving me to the train station?"

"I wouldn't mind at all. Let me just get a jacket." She ran in to her house and I waited on the porch, tapping my foot impatiently. I hated to be so rude to my dear friend, but there really was no other option. I needed to get out of here, and fast. And it wasn't like I could ride my horse to the station and leave in there. I scoffed at the thought.

Annabelle came back out of the house then. I followed her to her car and we both got in. We reached in the station in no time flat.

Annabelle pulled over to let me out. She let her hair out of the pony tail she was wearing it in and let her pale orange waves cascade down her back. I had always envied her beauty. She was beautiful with pale skin and odd colored eyes that seemed to penetrate your mind. She had always seemed familiar, but I couldn't place it. Then she looked at me and said something that surprised me.

"You best hurry. You're running away from him, aren't you? You're smart. You'll be okay. But don't ever come back here. You won't be safe here as long as he's around. I won't ever see you again. Don't worry, I won't tell him I took you here. I'll miss you. Goodbye."

"I'll miss you too. Goodbye." I said as I stumbled out of the car. I was shocked that she had realized why I was leaving. But I couldn't worry about that right now. I walked up to the ticket booth.

"One one-way ticket to Milwaukee please. On the first train."

I needed to be rid of this place as soon as possible. The train was boarding in 5 minutes, and I would gladly run across the station to be able to reach Milwaukee before Charles even reached the bar.

I dashed through throngs of people, but I finally made it. I found the nearest available seat and sat down. I leaned back, closed my eyes, and finally, for the first time in what seemed like forever, rested peacefully.

I felt a light tap on my shoulder a few hours later, awakening me from my slumber.

"Ma'am? This is the last stop. Are you getting off?"

"Where are we?"

"Milwaukee."

"Oh," I said flustered. I had slept the whole time. My hair was in a disarray, and I was sprawled out across my seat. I tried to fix myself up, but my efforts were futile.

"Oh, well I guess I am getting off here."

I made my way to the exit, indignantly refusing the gentleman's help. I expected to have to catch a cab, but, to my shock, Marie and her husband, Thomas, were at the station waiting for me with open arms.

"Oh Esme, its good to see you!" Marie cried.

"It's great to see you too!" I replied. "But how did you know to meet me here?"

Now it was Thomas's turn to speak. "We got a telegram from someone named Annabelle. Don't worry, she told us everything. About Charles and the baby."

Now I was very confused. I hadn't told Annabelle about the baby at risk of Charles finding out. And I wasn't showing yet. So how could she have known? It wasn't like she had children and could recognize the signs. Just like Marie, she couldn't have kids. But no matter how she found out, I was glad she had explained it to Marie and Thomas. It saved me from one awkward conversation.

We drove back to their home. They had set up the guest bedroom for me. I went to lie down on my bed. For a day I spent sleeping, I was very tired. So I slept, letting my head fill with memories of safer, happier times.

I had been imposing on Marie for 5 months now. I felt guilty, but she always assured me it was no problem. All she asked in return was to be able to help me with my baby. She was great with kids, and I knew she would be helpful when I had the child. So I was grateful for her request, rather than annoyed.

But that was the day the fateful telegram came.

I was sewing some new dresses for myself, seeing as I no longer fit into the old ones, when the doorbell rang. I opened the door to find the telegram carrier that always delivered messages to this neighborhood outside the door.

"Why hello Nicholas, how are you today? Another telegram for Thomas? I'll give it to him."

"Well, actually Miss Esme, the telegram is for you."

"For me?" I should have known right away that this would not be good news. The only person who knew where I was living was Annabelle, and she wouldn't write me because Charles might find out. But at the time, I didn't think of anything like that. I just simply thanked Nicholas, and sat down to read the telegram.

I'm sure my face must have displayed the sheer terror I felt as I read the few words on the telegram:

_He knows where you are! You have to leave now! He'll be on the next train. Run! _

_Good Luck,_

_Annabelle_

I burst into Marie's room and thrust the telegram into her hand. I doubted that I could form words right now. She just said 5 words.

"Take the car, hurry up."

I hugged her and ran into my room, throwing my important possessions into my little battered old black bag. I dashed out to the car and started the engine.

I drove for hours, not going anywhere in particular. I just wanted to go. As far away as I could. I paid no attention the cities or streets, just drove. I didn't stop even once.

But soon it began to get dark, and I could feel myself getting tired. I began to look around for some clue as to where I was. By looking at the signs, I figured I was somewhere just outside of Ashland.

I circled for another hour, looking for an inn. There was nothing. Gosh, didn't this town get visitors even once in a while?

I finally saw a battered up apartment building with a sign outside saying **Rooms for Rent**. I quickly parked and went into the building.

A balding man, probably in his mid 50's was behind the counter, reading the paper. He had his feet up on the counter, and didn't look like he was really expecting anyone to come.

His head jerked up when he heard me walk into the room.

"Um, hello Miss. Is there something I can do for you?"

"I noticed the rooms for rent sign outside." I said, not really sure how to begin. "How much would it be to stay here?"

"Honestly, I'll take however much you can afford to pay. I haven't had someone stay here in years."

I handed him the small bit of money I had brought with me. "Is this enough?"

"More than enough Miss, umm, what is your name?"

"Esme Platt." I answered, deciding that it would be best to stick with my maiden name while Charles was still looking for me.

"Well, Ms. Platt, keep some of this money, for food and stuff." He obviously was just as clueless when it came to doing business as I was. But none the less, he handed me back half of the wad of money. Along with some keys.

"Down the hall, to your right. First door on your left. Best room I've got I'm afraid."

"Thank you kindly."

I found my room easily. It was nice enough. Not large, but not too tiny either. The bed was comfortable enough, although the sheets were a bit scratchy. It definitely was a room I could live in comfortably. I decided that I would get a job tomorrow and then pay the owner more money. What I gave him was simply not enough for a room this nice.

I did not sleep well that night. I tossed and turned all night, for every time I closed my eyes, I saw Charles staring at my with his evil grin, saying "Hello again Esme."

When I came back out to the front room in the morning, it was obvious that the man behind the counter had heard my shrieks last night.

"You alright Ms. Esme? You were screamin' bloody murder last night."

"Yes, I'm fine thank you. Well, actually, can I ask you something? Do know of any job openings around here?"

"Hmm, I think the school house is looking for a new teacher."

Could I really be that lucky? Could I get my dream job of being a teacher? I hoped that after making me live a life of punishment for some mistake I must have made, that God would grant me this. This one little gift.

"Thank you." I said and dashed out the door. I wanted to get to the school house as soon as possible.

After a short interview with the head of the school, they decided that I was just what they wanted. I would start tomorrow. I would have a class of 4th and 5th graders. I got to meet the students, and they were lovely children. They were all friends and had known each other forever, since this town was so small. I couldn't wait to start work.

That night I screamed much less.

Being a school teacher was great. I earned a decent enough salary that I could pay back the owner of my apartment. I loved my students and they seemed to love me. I was friends with the other teachers too. Many of them had husbands at war. They all asked me what it was like to have a husband be found dead. It was hard to lie to them when I saw the innocent looks in their eyes. Truly believing and worried. I tried to lie convincingly yet gently. It was the hardest part of the job.

One day, when I was in my room after work, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. Then another. And another. It got worse and worse and I collapsed on my bed. I started to scream for help. I knew what was happening. I was having the baby. I kept screaming, hoping that someone would hear and drive me to the hospital.

I fought the blackness with all my might. I could not afford to let it win. I just shrieked and shrieked, hoping someone would hear me. I needed to get to the hospital, so someone could help my baby. I couldn't black out and just _wait_ for someone to find me.

Black spots clouded my eyes but I would not give in. My baby needed me. Then finally, I heard the sound I needed. Someone was coming into my room.

I felt him pick me up and put me in a car. I hoped it was the owner of the building, not some psychopath intent on killing me. I didn't have the strength to open my eyes and check.

But soon enough I found myself in a hospital laying on a hospital bed. I would have relaxed, but the pain just kept getting worse.

I tried to distract myself from the pain. To think of anything else.

So I thought of another place, another time. A different hospital. A hospital I went to long ago. A hospital where my best memories took place.

And with those thoughts filling my mind, I was able to endure.


	7. Chapter 7

I waited very impatiently in this white hospital room

I waited very impatiently in this white hospital room. It really was too white. White walls, white bedding, white machinery, white chairs. Did the decorators have no sense of color?

I was waiting in this room because a few minutes after my precious son was born, the doctors took him away from me murmuring some rubbish about "tests" and "premature". I didn't want to hear a word of it. I just wanted my baby boy in my arms. My gorgeous son. My reason for living. I hadn't told the nurses, but I was pretty sure that I was close to death there at the end. But I wouldn't give in to the death that would have been a welcomed freedom from the pain. I couldn't. Because my son needed me.

It was here in this white room that I contemplated names. I tossed around a bunch, but only one stood out. It wasn't common, but I didn't want my son to have a common name. I decided to go with my gut feeling. So now my son has a name.

Haven.

Haven literally means "safe". And that was what all my struggles in the past 9 months were for. Just to keep Haven safe. I knew Haven would carry his name well.

It was the second day I had been trapped in this room. I had seen my baby one time since his birth and was fed up. I would have stormed out of the room and demanded to see my son, except all I had to wear was this silly hospital gown.

I was amazed at how much I loved my son already. I thought it would be a while before I would feel the mother son bond. But as soon as I held him in my arms, I knew that this boy was my life. I loved him so much it was crazy. I knew I would take a bullet to save him.

Just as I was about to page a nurse and ask to see my son again, but, just then, one walked in. She sat down on the foot of my bed.

"Esme, Haven had a severe lung infection."

"Had?"

"Well, honey, he didn't make it."

I couldn't process the information. I just sat there, staring blankly ahead of me.

And then the pain hit.

It was an overwhelming wave of emotion, beating down upon me. Swirling me around underwater. I couldn't breathe. I was being torn apart on the inside. I could feel the physical pain. I couldn't bear it. I screamed. So loud, it must have sounded like someone was trying to kill me. Then, I threw on my clothes, and left. Just walked out of the hospital. I'm not sure what I was thinking. I don't think I could think.

Dead, dead, dead, dead. No! Take me, take me! Please!

I then I feel to the ground, just outside the hospital. I feel to me knees and screamed again. Only this time, I articulated a word. "WHY?"

I knew I couldn't live with this pain. I knew I could not live while knowing that my precious Haven did not. But I didn't know what to do.

I got walked as far away as I could. As I walked, I contemplated suicide. It was the happiest thing I could think of. I wondered how I would do it. Part of me wanted to do something dramatic. But I decided I would want to end my life reliving a better time. But how to do it. But then I remembered something.

_I fell down towards the ground. Even though I was insanely scared, there was something liberating about the fall. Or rather, there was, until I hit the ground._

And then I knew how I would do it. I would fall. Or rather I would jump. But on a much larger scale than the tree. And this time, there would be no doctor to help me. No doctor to give me a hint of happiness in my life that I would lose just like everything else. I would fall, and then it would be all over. The pain would be done. Gone. Just like me.

And with these thoughts, I walked to the cliff.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi! i forgot to write a welcome message and disclaimer last time. So here we go. First of all i wanna thank all of my wonderfull reviewers.This chapter isdedicated to Future Mrs.E.Cullen for giving me a virtual cookie for reviewing her story! Hopefully you read this! Anyways i wasnt cast in the school play so although im sad that means more writing time! Anyways, this isa teeny tiny chapter but important. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: i dont own twilight...but i really really really want Edward **

The wind whipped my face, stinging my cheeks. I welcomed the pain. Any distraction to this hole that was eating me from the inside out. The hole that was taking over my entire body. I couldn't complete a coherent thought, much less speak. I no longer felt human. Just a shell. It wasn't just that I was broken, I was gone. The pain had pushed me away until I was lost within myself. Lost until I disappeared. It began to rain. I stretched my arms out, letting the water soak through my clothes and drench my hair. I tilted my head back. The water felt so good on my neck. It was cool and calming. But I couldn't dwell on the coolness. For every time I thought of something cool, it would trigger memories. Memories of the one happy time in my life. Cool hands, warm heart. But I couldn't dwell on that. For if I thought of him, I would never be able to fulfill my purpose of coming here, to the precipice of the cliff. Tears dripped down my cheek. I was surprised that I could still feel such emotion. But this was why I was here. I wanted it all to end. To end _now_. But I needed to do one thing I left this world forever. I pulled out a simple gold pocket watch from my pocket, and traced to two C's on the back. And I whispered "I'm sorry." I lifted up onto the balls of my feet, spread my arms out wide, flung my hair back…and jumped.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi everyone! Here is another chapter up for you! I hope you like it! Anyways, this chapter is a SPECIAL PRESENT! Because this chapter is in CARLISLE'S POV!! Thats right,I wanted to be different, so I'm being different. Its short, but was extreemly fun to write. I didn't get cast in my play :( but that at least means I will have more time to write:) so its a mix of good and bad. This chapter is dedicated to Emo Naom1901 for sticking with this story since the beginning and promising to stick with it until the end (which, hopefully, will not be any time soon). However, this time, I have a deal about the next chapter. AT least 3 reviews, and I'll post. I will wait. I think. Teehee. Anyways REVIEW PWEEZ!**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own twilight, new moon, eclipse, breakingdawn, or any of the characters in them. ALthough I wouldn't mind switching places with Bella, Alice, or Roslaie if I was given the option.**

I was so tired. I wasn't kidding. And they said vampires don't get tired. I guess it was just emotional exhaustion. I just needed fresh air. Well, not technically. I don't need any air. I don't need to breathe at all because….oh just forget it.

Anyways, I was about to sign out when one of my partners came running up to me, pushing a cloth covered body on stretcher toward me. He was panting.

"Dr. Jones, are you alright?"

"I'm fine Carlisle; I just ran here form the other end of the building pushing her." He motioned toward the body. "I need you sign out on her. You know, mark that she is dead. I have 5 other patients waiting."

"No problem" I said as I watched him dash back toward where he came from.

I began to push the body toward the morgue. And then I heard an extraordinary noise. It was faint, very faint, but there.

A beating heart.

I looked at the sheet of information about the body. She jumped from a cliff. I have no idea how she survived.

I peeled back the cloth ever so carefully. My first impression was of a blood covered body, contorted into positions a body should never be in. But then I looked behind the blood and saw something amazing.

A face. I face I had never forgotten after all these years. A face I still saw every time I closed my eyes, even if I couldn't sleep.

The sheet said the doctors couldn't identify the body. I could.

Esme Platt.

I looked at my dear Esme, and realized that she was about to die. When I realized that I felt a gut wrenching feeling that I had never felt before. Was this grief? I also felt some other feeling. I couldn't place this one either. It felt like my heart had grown. I knew right then that I would do whatever it took to save her. Not just for her, for me. I knew that I would no longer be able to live without knowing she was safe.

But I could only think of one way to save her. And that way would cause her so much pain. I felt so guilty about it. I thought about a promise I had made to her long ago.

"_I will never hurt you again dear Esme."_

But I was going to hurt her. In my own selfish need to save her, I would hurt her so much. Not just the transformation, but the pain of being a vampire. It was not an easy life.

But I couldn't stop this need I felt for her. So before I could change my mind, I pressed my lips to her neck, as if I was about to kiss her.

I whispered "I'm sorry" into her skin.

And then sunk my teeth into her flesh.


	10. Chapter 10

**Yay! you guys sent lots of reviews! yayayayay! virtual cookies to all of you. Hmmm, lets see...this time I Will Update After Five Reviews. ANd his chapter is back in Esme's POV, sorry! But I thinks its a good chapter :) ANyways, I hope you like it! And by the way, there is a second authors note at the bottom of the page! yay!**

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: I went on adventures around the globe and every single person I met says I don't own twilight! whats wrong with them?**

**My friend: Hmm..have you ever considered that you may actually not own twilight?**

**Me: OH! I never thought of that. Oh, wait, Noooo!! That means I don't have Edward! (curls up in a corner and cries out for edward to come back)**

The fall had been the most exhilarating thing I had ever felt. More refreshing then I could have imagined.

Then came the pain. It hurt so much, but I relished in what I found to be just punishment for not being able to save Haven.

But the pain was supposed to stop. After a while, it was supposed to be over. It never was. I heard voices grow louder around me, felt myself being moved somewhere else, but didn't have the strength to even twitch a finger. So I had to lie there, incapacitated by the pain.

I thought the pain might have been getting better, or maybe I was just growing accustomed to it. Goodness was I wrong.

The pain got worse. I could have sworn I heard someone whisper an apology. And then I felt something sink into my neck.

The pain was worse than anything, worse than when I first fell. It was a burning, possessing my whole body. I couldn't fight it, couldn't stop it. It tortured me. I wanted to die even more than when I found out Haven was dead.

I let out a shriek as I reminded myself of his death. The physical and emotional pain was too much. I screamed and writhed in pain. I didn't care who heard me. I just wanted to be saved from this pain. Someone help me!

I felt as if someone had thrown me into a fire. No, it was hotter than fire. I'd been burned before; this was a million times worse and covering my entire body.

My mind filled with the worst memories. I saw Charles's evil grin and the nurse who told me of my son's death. I articulated words in my shrieks for the first time.

"Haven, Haven, Haven!"

Then I heard a miraculous voice from beside me. A voice I knew. But that wasn't possible, I thought to myself. He couldn't be here. It must be someone else.

"What have I done? Why was I so selfish? I truly am a monster. She had a husband, a family! Why did I do this…" The voice cried out in obvious pain. Then another voice, definitely not familiar, but with the same musical sound spoke.

"I'm not saying I'm glad you did this, but you didn't take away anything from her. Everything had already been taken by god."

"I'm still a monster for doing this to her."

No! I wanted to comfort this angel. He did nothing wrong. This is all my fault.

"I'm going out to hunt," voice two said. "I'll leave you alone with her."

I heard a heard one door open and close, and than another.

"Oh my darling Esme, I am so sorry. You have no idea just how much."

I felt a cool hand touch my cheek. I wanted to flinch away. I had promised myself as soon as I had left Charles never to let anyone touch my face this way again. Because soon the gentle hand would turn into a fierce one, slapping me harder and harder.

And yet, I didn't flinch away. I wanted this hand to keep stroking my cheek, to keep comforting. It was too good to be true, I knew it couldn't last. I almost wanted to laugh.

A little bit of heaven right here in hell.

Because that's where I had to assume I was. I sure would explain the burning, the pain, and the fact that I should be dead. It made perfect sense. Except for this angel.

But I wasn't complaining. I just lay here, focusing on the cool hand rather than the fiery burning.

The angel didn't leave or turn harsh. Just stroked my cheek. Back, forth. The pain began to lessen, but I was unsure as to if it was truly lessening or if the angel was calming me.

I began to have a sense of time. I counted time by the number of stokes.

I felt strength return to little bits of my body. It returned very slowly, but it was returning.

I began to notice that I was no longer on a hospital bed. It was too comfortable and the sheets were too soft.

I was desperte to know where I was. What hell looked like. Or maybe heaven.

I had tossed the possibility of heaven around in my head. After all, there weren't angels in hell.

I yearned to open my eyes, to see what was around me. But I wasn't sure if I could.

I began the process of peeling an eyelid back.

It was hard, and very painful, but with determination I did it. After all, the pain seemed to have settled around my throat, not my eyes.

And when I opened my eyes, I gasped in shock, amazement, and happiness at what I saw.

**Muahahaha...cliffie! Although you all know whats gonna happen anyways...Oh well, review review review becasue I write fast with reviews. Unfortunately It might take me a little bit of time to write because I have to get 2 medical tests done friday and tomorow and the next day I have to work really hard on math because I'm getting a C and if I don't bring my grades up my parents will kill me! Anyways, happy Rosh-Hashana to any jewish readers,happy day off of school to any non-jewish readers who live in jewish communities so you get the day off, and...ummm...happy regular day to the rest of you!**


	11. Chapter 11 Teaser

**Okay, so we have a problem. My dad went on a trip and I left most of Chapter 11 on his computer! EEK! But I did have some here, so I created a treat for you until I can retype chapter 11. This is a TEASER of chapter 11. like the back cover of a book jacket. So enjoy your teaser! Oh, and just a notice, Monday the 13th-Thursday the 17th I will be on school retreat and not able to post becasue I wont have a computer. Sad, I know. So enjoy your teaser for now, and i will get all of the chapter up ASAP. And this teaser is dedicated to LCtheCow for being the first person ever to review this story. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't see the nessecity of a disclaimer for a teaser, but here goes nothing. I do not own twilight. If i did, all the male characters would be...um...otherwise occupied...**

I was staring into amazing, beautiful, stunning gold eyes.

I knew those eyes.

They were the eyes of an angel, but not just any angel.

My angel.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen.

I just stared at him in shock. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

It wasn't the Carlisle of my memory. No, he was better. I could see every detail of his flawless face. Every gorgeous aspect that made him who he was I now could see with such clarity.

I tried to remember where I had met this man before. But I couldn't remember. Actually, I couldn't remember anything about my past.

Just his face. Just his name. And that I was truly, madly, and deeply in love with him.

.


	12. Chapter 11

**So my awesome dad emailed this chapter to me at 2 am his time just so i could get it posted today. Thats how awesome he is. So I have a chapter for you! Yay! The Teaser is at the beginning. However this chapter is kind of a filler chapter, but don't worry. It covers key points and important things so you can get another extra special treat next chapter. I am not dedicating this chapter, because who wants a filler dedicated to them? But I have already decided who gets the next chapter dedicated to them...hint - they would have drowned me in their pool if i didnt post. Yes, you know who you are. Your dedication is coming, don't worry. I have 49 reviews so far, whoever posts number 50 is awesome! Enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: No I don't own twilight. I do wish every 11:11 for the Cullen's to exist...but thats a story for another time.**

I was staring into amazing, beautiful, stunning gold eyes.

I knew those eyes.

They were the eyes of an angel, but not just any angel.

My angel.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen.

I just stared at him in shock. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

It wasn't the Carlisle of my memory. No, he was better. I could see every detail of his flawless face. Every gorgeous aspect that made him who he was I now could see with such clarity.

I tried to remember where I had met this doctor before. But I couldn't remember. Actually, I couldn't remember anything about my past.

Just his face. Just his name. And that I was truly, madly, and deeply in love with him.

But my past began to come back to me. And with the memories came the pain. I let out a wail as I remembered the baby boy I'd cradled in my arms for only a few minutes, who I would never see again.

I let out a wail, expecting the tears to pour from my eyes. I gasped in horror when I found out that they couldn't come. I looked at Carlisle, asking with my eyes for some sort of explanation.

"I am so so sorry. Incredibly sorry. Its must be so strange for you. I hate this, I hate myself for doing this to you."

"But you didn't do anything wrong." I looked around for the sound of the voice. The words I thought in my head had been spoken aloud by someone, but not in a voice I recognized. It couldn't be _me,_ could it? The voice was high, soft, and gentle. I was in awe.

I slowly sat up and looked around me. I was in a cozy office. I fire was burning in one corner, and the walls were all lined with books.A few steps away from me was a magnificent wooden desk.


	13. Chapter 12

**I am so so so so so so so so sorry for the outrageously long wait! I was on retreat with my school since monday and I just got back 5 minutes ago. I meant to post this chapter before I left but I was so busy! I'm so sorry! Anyways, this chapter is extra special because of that. Its another present in CARLISLE'S POV!! And its up to you, but I think thats fun. Something very exciting happens in this chapter, so enjoy it! This chapter is dedicated to DolphinDreamer24-7 for all the awesome reviews! I hope i wont be drowned in your non existent pool for taking so long to get this chapter up, but I think its a good chapter. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I dont own twilight. However i have been watching the new trailer every day I have had computer access and just bought a second poster.**

Chapter 12.

CPOV

I studied her behaviors. How she moved, reacted, shied away from things. It was obvious someone had hurt her. The part that shocked me was that I wanted to track down that bastard and tear him apart limb from limb.

I had always hated violence. Always tried to find a peaceful solution to every problem. But not now. I wouldn't ever let Esme be hurt again. Not that she needs protection anymore…..

"I'm going to go inside," I heard her say. "Are you sure I can't help in anyway?"

I shook my head no, still trying to decipher the reason behind my sudden longing for violence. Not for violence per say, more for vengeance.

Esme walked inside and I sat out here, staring at the stars. I longed to follow her inside, to talk to her, hold her, explain to her just how important she is.

But I was confused. I couldn't comfort her if I didn't know why I felt this strong of a need to. I knew that before I could help her, I had to help myself figure some things out. Mainly, why?

"I know why." I heard a voice from behind a nearby tree speak.

"Edward! You surprised me. I didn't expect you home for a while."

"Aren't you curious why you are behaving this way?"

"Yes, but knowing you, you won't tell me."

" Carlisle ! How could you think of me like that?" Edward teased, a look of playful shock on his face. "Actually, I will tell you. You're in love with her."

"What?!" I had never pictured myself in love with anyone. Ever. I felt strangely about Esme. Different than I ever had felt about anyone else. I wanted to protect her, take care of her, show her how much she meant to me. But……Actually, now that I think about it, that does sound like love. Love. Ha. Who would've thought? Me in love.

"And I'll tell you a secret. She loves you back."

He winked and then ran back into the forest.

I sat staring ahead of me, unable to move. She loved me? Really truly loved me? Or was Edward playing some sort of sick joke? Toying with me? But what if she did love me? Would I be brave enough to do anything about it? To tell her that I felt the same? To open up to her? Because everyone knows that when you give someone your heart you also give them the power to break it. I wasn't sure if I was ready.

But I was distracted from my thoughts by a great thudding around in the house. I ran inside, up the stairs, to find Esme throwing the few belongings she had with her into a suitcase.

"What are you doing?" I asked, confused.

"Leaving." She said bluntly.

"Leaving?" I managed to choke out.

"Look, I heard you and Edward talking. He said he knew why you were so annoyed. It was because of me, I'm sure it was."

"Esme, we went through this! You're not imposing in any way, shape, or form. I want you here."

"You needn't lie in an attempt to be polite. I understand. I'll leave and you'll never have to see me again."

"That's not what we were talking about!"

"Well, what then?" She asked, a skeptical look on her face.

So here we were. I had to choose. My one chance to get her to stay. But it involved giving her the power to break me. Would I do it? _Could_ I do it?

"He _was_ talking about irrational feelings of mine. But not the ones you are referring to. He was talking about the fact that…that….that I love you. With my whole heart. I love you Esme."

"You…love me?" She said disbelieving me. I couldn't tell if the fact that her already soprano beautiful voice seemed to jump two octaves was a good thing or not.

"More than you can possibly imagine."

We stood there in silence for a minute, just staring into each others eyes.

And then she said four little words that made my heart soar. That made me want to dance and sing and hold her and never let go.

"I love you too."

I reached out to take her in my arms, then flinched back, remembering her past and her fear.

"No, its okay. I want you to."

So I gently cradled her in my arms and held her tight with no intention of ever letting go. She began to explain her past, her pain, her life. I tried not to physically show my hatred toward Charles, hoping not to frighten her with my violent wishes. But I think she noticed my jaw clench every time she said his name. I let her sob everything out on my shoulder, and even though no tears came, I could practically feel her pain rolling off of her, leaving her with each sob. Whoever said crying doesn't help was a fool.

When she was finished, she stared into my eyes once more. And I stared back into hers, looking through her eyes, which were magnificent despite the color, into her beautiful soul.

I could tell she was debating something, although I was not sure what. I saw her slowly inch closer and closer to me, as if seeing how close she could get before being reprimanded.

And then ever so gently, when she was less that an inch away from me, she nervously leaned in and kissed me.

I kissed her back and it was like I was in heaven. In heaven with my own personal angel. This kiss was not just a kiss to fill a silence, but a kiss to say everything that could not be said. A kiss to be used when words became superfluous.

I wasn't sure how long we kissed for, although it was probably a while. For once I was grateful for the fact that I did not need oxygen.

It felt crazy that she could love me after everything I had done to her, the life I had doomed her too. It felt crazy that she could trust me this much after someone had broken her trust so completely. It felt crazy that both of us could love each other this much having not known each other for very long at all.

But what can I say?

Love is insanity


	14. Chapter 13

**Hey everyone! I jump two years in this chapter, after the first paragraph. But don't get mad! Its well worth it. This chapter is dedicated to LilythxCullen.**

**Enjoy the story everyone! (i'm trying not to ramble in my ANs like i used to)**

**Disclaimer: I dont own twilight. at all. You can ask my doctor if you don't believe me, we have had to cover the fact that Edward isn't mine in far to many sessions. :) **

**On with the show!**

I was shocked at what I had just done. I could not believe it. _I_, Esme, had just gone and _kissed_ the most amazing man in the universe. Normally I would never have done anything of the sort, but the words "I love you" hypnotized me and I lost control. I was just so happy, able to stay in heaven while I explained the tortures of my life. I couldn't explain what came over me even if I had infinite words and infinite time. Well, I guess I do have infinite time. But this feeling was not something that could be explained in words. This feeling, this pull, this joy from the purest and truest of loves was unexplainable and irreplaceable. And I knew I would never let it go. Not now, not ever.

_Two Years Later_

Time passes. Even when time has lost all meaning, and you would be content to be frozen in one second, it passes. But this passing time has been heaven on earth. I spent every second next to Carlisle, never leaving his side except when he had to work. I built up my strength and control, and soon I was able to visit him in his office. I remember the first time….

_Flashback_

"_Dr. Cullen, you have a patient who is here for a follow up appointment" I heard the nurse at the front desk of the office page Carlisle._

"_Which patient?" I heard him page back._

"_She prefers to remain anonymous."_

"_Hmmm. Well, send her up."_

_She told me how to find his office. I waited until I was out of sight of humans, and then dashed up to his office at vampire speed. I opened the door and said "Here I am. I'm ready for my appointment."_

_His face lit up. He swept me up in his arms and whispered in my ear "I'm so proud of you Esme. I knew you could do it."_

"_Did I surprise you? I didn't want you to know I was coming." I never could surprise him. Edward always spoiled it. He was a great son, but sometimes I wished he couldn't read my mind._

"_Very much so. I think celebration is in order. I may need to leave work early today…"_

_End Flashback_

Now I visited regularly. I pretended to be his wife, and Edward pretended to be our son. I felt silly, but I secretly hoped Carlisle and I would truly be married one day. He had explained to me how vampires each had a soul mate somewhere out there, and that we were each others. Our relationship hadn't progressed physically, we still just held hands and kissed, but that was partly because of the sort of people we are, partly because of my silly hope. See, if we were to be married, I would want to do everything right. It was outrageous, seeing as it was extremely uncommon for vampires to be married in the legal sense. But then again, we were probably the most uncommon vampires out there.

I was sitting on the couch in the living room when I heard Carlisle walk through the door, returning home from work. I ran up to greet him with a huge hug and romantic kiss. After I let go, I looked at him more carefully. He looked nervous. I was just about to ask him what was wrong when he spoke.

"Esme, would you like to come for a walk on the beach with me? Its nice and cloudy outside, which works doubly in our favor, seeing as it means we not only can go outside but we will be the only ones."

"Of Course! I'd love to. I'll just grab a jacket, just incase someone see's us. I would look foolish without one."

I ran quicker than normal, I had a feeling this walk would be more than just a stroll, that it would be something much more important.

I returned to the door, and we ran to the beach. I was stunned when I got there. I had never been to this beach before.

The beach was gorgeous. The pale sand was so soft I slipped of my shoes and walked barefoot. Carlisle led me across the sand near some rocks. He said our destination was just across them. I was a little puzzled. I thought we were at our destination, the beach. I didn't know there was a specific spot on the beach.

I climbed across the rocks gracefully, but almost fell back when I saw what lay on the other side.

If I could cry of happiness, I would have.

There were tons of the most beautiful seashells laid out on the shore.

But not just laid out in any old way, they spelled some words.

Simple words, but words that meant more than the world to me. That made my heart soar just as much as when Carlisle had told me he loved me.

The shells spelled out the words "Esme, Will You Marry Me?"

I threw my arms tightly around Carlisle. I was speechless. Well, almost speechless. I managed one word.

"Yes." I whispered into his ear.

He tilted my chin up so I was looking directly at him, and then he kissed me passionately. After he finally broke away, he picked up my hand and slid the most stunning diamond ring I had ever seen onto my finger. Suddenly the sun broke through the clouds and on this expanse of private beach all three of us glittered. Carlisle, the diamond, and I. It was as if it was meant to be.

I let out a laugh at the perfection of this moment. It was hard to believe that a life such as mine, which had been full of turmoil, torture, and pain, could turn into something as perfect as the fairytales I once read. I heard Carlisle laugh next to me. I could tell he was worried about how I would react to his sudden proposal. Had he honestly thought I might not accept? And then it hit me. What this proposal truly meant. It was his way of telling me that he wanted to spend the rest of his forever with me, which was even more spectacular, seeing as we really did have forever. His way of saying that this love was not just some fleeting feeling, but that it was pure, undying, and true. He had told me this in words before, but now he was proving it with his deeds. And it made my already overflowing love for him grow.

I wanted to kiss him again and never let go, but I knew it would have to wait. I had other obligations.

"Let's go home." I said.

"Why?" He asked, "The sun isn't bright enough that humans will come out yet. We have nothing to worry about."

I chuckled at the fact that he was missing something so blaringly obvious.

"No silly," I said, "I have a wedding to plan. We may have all eternity but, although I don't know about you, I _cannot_ wait that long to truly become Mrs. Cullen."

I gave him a peck on the cheek and then ran back toward the house.


	15. AN

Dear Readers Of Esme's Story,

You are all proboably dissapointed with me. I haven't posted a chapter in god knows how long. Unfortunatly, I am writing this to tell you that i am having to put this story on hold. Because of slipping grades, the school play, and being grounded, I can't really write much for a while. But know that I WILL continue this story. Most likely I will continue it at the end of March and beginning of April. Maybe sooner. I will update you when I have written a chapter. Sorry to dissapoint you, but I PROMISE to return. I love writing this story so much that I couldn't really stop even if I wanted to. Anyways, I would still love to hear from you, and hear any and all ideas you have for future chapters. And who knows? If you give me a great idea, I might just put off that homework and write....

Love you all!

*~theothercullen427~*


	16. Chapter 14

Well, after the long wait, i am proud to say that I FINALLY HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER! I'm on break and the first thing i did was write! It feels so great to write. This chapter has 3 dedications, so here they are

The first dedication is to my friend Cindy: Thank you so much for being the first person to ever read any of this story. You are an awesome kick ass (sorry if that offends anyone) friend. Thanks for reading all the chapters even if they suck.

The second dedication is to my friend The True Mrs. Edward Cullen (yes i know her real name but if you think i'm gonna say both... get your head checked):Thank you for talking about fanfiction enough that i got back to writing. And being an awesome friend. And I will get around to reading all of your stories! I promise....

The third dedication is to all of you who have stuck with me even when I wasn't writing anything. You are all amazing people who deserve cookies. Virtual cookies for you all!

Disclaimer:

I do not own twilight. *sigh*. Although I do have a birthday coming up...teehee

And off to story land!....

Time. It's a funny thing really. It can seem like forever, or just a second in an endless lifetime. I think it is a thing indescribable by anyone. Up until the few months before my wedding, I'd never truly experienced the magic of time. But as those few short months of excited planning gave way to the few short days before I would become Mrs. Cullen, I finally understood what the magic of time is. Time is joy. Time is knowing that tomorrow, you will still be here with the one you love. Time is knowing that whether this moment seems to last forever, or ends right after it begins, the next moment will be in the same place, with the same people, and with the same joy you had in the previous one. I thought that once I knew I would live forever, I would no longer appreciate time. But I was wrong. No, I think that now that I am here in Carlisle's arms, time might just be the best thing that has ever happened to me…..

I stood there in a pretty white dress for the second time in my life. I looked almost no older than the first time I wore a white dress. In fact, I might even have been recognizable if it weren't for one thing. Last time, I plastered a smile on my face and dealt with what I had no ability to change, but this time, my smile lit up my face in a way that would be impossible to fake. That little difference had transformed me. And my eye color. That might also have something to do with it.

As I was fixing my dress, I heard a flutter of wind from behind me.

"Edward, come out, I saw you." I said, laughing. I had expected that Carlisle would send him to spy on me, but since the wedding was in 5 minutes, I had begun to think I had been mistaken.

"Now now, I wasn't spying, I was merely coming to alert you that its time to go."

"Sure……….." I chuckled again.

Since my father obviously could not be here, I had asked Edward if he would escort my down the aisle. He was happy to.

I grabbed his arm as he walked me down the aisle. I wanted to break free and run toward Carlisle, but I decided it wouldn't make a good impression on our guests. All 5 of them. Tanya, Kate, Irina, and two of Carlisle's very brave co-workers. They didn't know what we were obviously, but everyone was a little scared of the perfect doctor with his perfect wife and perfect son. The wedding march played in my ears and I attempted to walk to the beat.

Finally and mercifully, I reached Carlisle. I could barely hear the priest's words as described what we were all here for. All I could do was gaze at the most beautiful face on the planet and think 'mine, mine, mine. Finally mine.' Then he said the two words I had been waiting so long to hear.

"I do."

And of course you know what I said.

"I do."

And then we kissed. And I don't think you need to hear all about that to know that it was bliss.

Pure bliss.


	17. IMPORTANT AN

Hi Everyone!

I am so sorry for those of you who were hoping for a new chapter, but don't worry, one is on its way. Until then, check out my other story, Alice's Story.

Anyways, there IS a specific point to this message. About 6-8 months ago, I read an amazing Alice story on this website. I was in the mood to read it again, but can't seem to find it! So this is sort of a scavanger hunt. If any of you can find the story I am looking for, you will get to read the next chapter of Esme's story first, before I even post it.

Anyways, here is what I remember about the story:

-it was about alice and jasper (obviously)

-it was over 20 chapters, I think about 40

-Alice and Jasper go to atlantic city for a while

-then they stay with jasper's friend for a while

-at one point they buy a house and pretend to be married

-then they get married

-During the middle of the story, Maria comes back to try to convince jasper to fall in love with and come back to her.

-They search for the cullens

-they end up meeting the denali coven before they find the cullens because Alice saw that the cullens had been there

Okay, that's all I remember. So if you can find out what story it is, you will get a chapter before everyone else. I would love to read that story again, so thank you to those of you who can help me. Love ya!  
-theothercullen427

P.S. Feel free to list any stories you think of that might fit the description even slightly. My memory isn't perfect and even if it isn't the right story, I love to find new ones.


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